I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
