I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
