So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
