12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
