You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
