I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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