so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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