I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
