i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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