stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
