why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
