Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
