I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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