none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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