Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
