It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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