I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
