First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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