well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
