No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
