i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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