she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
