At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
