I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
