did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
