im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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