he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
