I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
