I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
