just tell him i said nine months
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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