Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize