I want to make a zoo with you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
