I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
