whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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