I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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