It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
