I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
