God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
