i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
