i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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