i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My vagina just clenched in fear
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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