Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My bed smells like the plague
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
