I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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