god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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