what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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