He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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