It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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