You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
