This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
