were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
