I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
