It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i love accidental penises.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
