I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
