I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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