he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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