I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
