I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
