why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
